My most personal video by far. I thought long and hard if I even should post it. But I finally decided to pull the plug, as an accountability tool. Feel free to hold me accountable. In this video, I talk about the reasons why I decided to quit alcohol, and what my drinking was like. It is a weird decision to cut out alcohol for someone who is not an alcoholic. I talk about this in detail. But I realized that alcohol brings a certain level of chaos to my life, and it contributes to my mood swings.

I also talk about my voice lessons, how they help me deal with the daily issues, and all the insights I draw from the discipline of vocal control. Much like the fitness routine, voice lessons provide amazing insights into everyday challenges, such as finding balance and bringing my tendency to hyperfocus on specific tasks under control.

I used a bunch of Sia’s songs to illustrate my points. They are perfect illustrations for depression, mood swings, alcohol abuse and such. Sia is an amazing artist. She wrote all these songs from personal experience of being an alcoholic and a drug addict, and as a creative person, it seems to me, she is prone to various mood and personality disorders. At least that’s my take on her lyrics.

I believe this video might be helpful for creative people who struggle to balance their creativity with the demands of daily life. On the surface, it seems like creativity and mundane things like paying bills, doing chores and staying connected with the loved ones, are at odds. This is something that I struggle with as well. I used to be quite stubborn at keeping my right to hyperfocus and get things done my way. Now I humbly take those statements back. It’s time to learn to balance creativity and responsibility. It’s a huge project, and I have no idea what is the MNE component in it. Deadlines kept? Money made? Nails and hair done? Books written? Perhaps, all the above. This video is personal, honest, and revealing. I hope it will hold me accountable and will help others who find themselves in the same situation.


CREDITS Huge thanks and credit to Prince Sean for creating amazing music over at Smule under a handle @Prince_sean. If you are a Smulean, follow him and join his duets, he is truly amazing! https://www.smule.com/Prince_sean OR better download the Smule app on your smartphone, it works much better that way.


  1. I’ll make sure I catch up on this video Ellie, as your greatest fan it would be rude of me to ignore something you created that’s so personal. Well done on being brave and making it 🙂

  2. A very vulnerable and at times sad video to watch.

    Remember that reality is shaped by belief, literally it does shift reality. Actually I think one literally phases into the reality (the probability) of their beliefs. You sound very sweet but as if you are creating a very negative belief about yourself which then continues to manifest your reality. You are literally self creating your path. I would change your environment and change the negative beliefs you continue to tell yourself about yourself.

    You seem to have a hundred and one things going for you that many people don’t, so I wish you all the best.

  3. I made that choice a few years ago and am finally clean and sober for over a decade now. Never give up, there will be times of weakness at first when you may fall. Pick yourself up and continue fighting until you succeed.

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